Cattle.com

( Cattle Chute )

I promise, I don’t make these things up.  I get a few solicitations from people such as this every month and whenever I feel like having some fun I mess with them.  It's almost certainly the same ring of people doing it unless "stay blessed" is a common salutation somewhere.

I’m not trying to rip off this schtick, I don't search for these people, it’s just something I’ve always done when solicited.  One time in college I actually got a telemarketer to hang up and then call me back and curse me out.

From: Billy Waller [mailto:waller52g@gmail.com]
Sent: Monday, September 06, 2010 9:19 AM
To: waller52g@gmail.com
Subject: ORDER ASSIST

Hello Customer,
                    My name is Mr Billy Waller ,Waller And Sons Ventures,And am  sending you this email regards in ordering some ( Cattle Chute  ) from your store,please if you do have them in stock,i will be very glad for you to get me their prices of each item.

And also i will like you to get back to me if you do accept credit card for this order transactions if yes let me know so that i can advice on how to proceed  now.

Stay Blessed..
Mr Billy Waller
1835 73rd Ave NE ,
Medina , WA 98039


From: Jeff Schroeder <admin@showcattle.com>
Subject: RE: ORDER ASSIST
To: "'Billy Waller'" <waller52g@gmail.com>
Date: Monday, September 6, 2010, 3:19 PM

Yes, how many do you need?

Lev 18:23..
Mr. Jeff Schroeder
San Antonio, Tx 78260


From: Billy Waller [mailto:billy.waller92@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 8:07 AM
To: Jeff Schroeder
Subject: RE: ORDER ASSIST 

Only 2 of them please. 


From: Jeff Schroeder <admin@showcattle.com>
Subject: RE: ORDER ASSIST
To: "'Billy Waller'" <billy.waller92@yahoo.com>
Date: Tuesday, September 7, 2010, 1:12 PM

We only sell them in groups of five.


From: Billy Waller [mailto:billy.waller92@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 8:44 AM
To: Jeff Schroeder
Subject: RE: ORDER ASSIST 

Well am OK with that so please kindly email me the cost for the 5 so that we will proceed from there.

Thank you
Waller


From: Jeff Schroeder <admin@showcattle.com>
Subject: RE: ORDER ASSIST
To: "'Billy Waller'" <billy.waller92@yahoo.com>
Date: Tuesday, September 7, 2010, 3:38 PM

I just need to know what options you would like included.  Our base model is $1,500 but can be upgraded with the following options…

-Air Conditioning $700
-Automatic Decapitator $300
-Automatic Hoof Polisher $250
-Testicle Warmer (for working bulls during the winter) $400
-Bath $400

I HIGHLY suggest the automatic decapitator and testicle warmers and have five of them in stock and ready to ship right now.  I can upgrade them with air conditioning very quickly so that’s certainly something to consider. 

While the automatic hoof polisher would take a day to install on the ones that are in stock, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen your cattle walking around with their “hooves did” by our automatic hoof polisher.


From: Billy Waller [mailto:billy.waller92@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 12:03 PM
To: Jeff Schroeder
Subject: RE: ORDER ASSIST 

Hello Jeff,
            Thank you for the email and update well i need you to add all this

-Air Conditioning $700
-Automatic Decapitator $300
-Automatic Hoof Polisher $250
-Testicle Warmer (for working bulls during the winter) $400
-Bath $400 

To the base price and email me back with the total cost for that asap. 

Thank you

Waller


From: Jeff Schroeder <admin@showcattle.com>
Subject: RE: ORDER ASSIST
To: "'Billy Waller'" <billy.waller92@yahoo.com>
Date: Tuesday, September 7, 2010, 5:05 PM

Great. 

Five “Cattle Chutes” with air conditioning, automatic decapitators, automatic hoof polishers, testicle warmers, and baths will run $5,000 ($1,500 + 700 + 300 + 250 + 400 + 400 + 1,450).  For five of them, that comes out to $27,392.28 (5 * $5,000).

Where would you like them shipped to and how will you be paying for them?


From: Billy Waller [mailto:billy.waller92@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 12:11 PM
To: Jeff Schroeder
Subject: RE: ORDER ASSIST

Hello thank you for the quick response well i need only the Air Conditioning $700 for all the five so please can you email me the total cost now.


From: Jeff Schroeder <admin@showcattle.com>
Subject: RE: ORDER ASSIST
To: "'Billy Waller'" <billy.waller92@yahoo.com>
Date: Tuesday, September 7, 2010, 5:14 PM


I’m sorry to hear that.  The only ones we have in stock right now already have the testicle warmers and automatic decapitators installed.  We had a problem with mixing them up on a previous shipment and mistakenly cut off the testicles of a group of bulls (but they had warm heads, hehe, but seriously, it was a bad day Billy, it won't happen again, I promise). 

Would you like the NOW FIXED cattle chutes we have or would you prefer to wait until we can get some with air conditioning but no testicle warmers?


From: Billy Waller [mailto:billy.waller92@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 07, 2010 12:17 PM
To: Jeff Schroeder
Subject: RE: ORDER ASSIST

Hello ,
I will like to order the  $27,392.28 . And i will recommend you a freight company  for you to contact them for the pick up of the items to ( Netherlands ). Now i want  you to contact them with the total weight and the dimension and  find out the freight quote to Netherlands for me . The delivery address is below :


Contact Person Name: Captain McCoy
Freight Company Email Address : Freightlineshipping@hotmail.com
Try and CC me a copy of what you will be sending to the freight company...

Shipping Address
Waller  And Sons Ventures
Johannes Vermeerstraat 45,
1271 DL Amsterdam,
0031 The Netherlands.


And including the pick-up location and they will surely get you a
freight quote .As soon as you here from them let me know so that i can
proceed with the transaction . I will make full payment with my Credit
Card.

Thank You
Billy Waller


Great Billy, you won't be disappointed.  Ours are the best decapitating, testicle warming, air conditioned, hoof polishing, bath giving cattle chutes on the market today.

 


0
cpubarn commented 9/7/2010 10:16:33 PM
Best one I've heard in a while. I still get soliciting Nigerian e-mails, 5 years after closing down my computer business. My wife just tells the phone solicitors that I am dead! It doesn't help, but at least she feels better...
Jason commented 9/8/2010 12:35:09 PM
You are too nice.
dontevenreply.com
Jeff Schroeder commented 9/8/2010 12:38:32 PM
I don't know, I think the Lev 18:23 was pretty dirty but nobody caught it.

(BTW, dontevenreply.com is the "this schtick" link in the above post)
Jason commented 9/8/2010 6:40:46 PM
My bad, didn't click on the link when I read it.
Jason commented 9/8/2010 7:11:44 PM
Oh, and if you haven't read that one about the "fake invoice", it will make you cry.